Who pays for what at a wedding? And how to budget that money

The first question I ask my full service or design clients is “what is your wedding budget?”  And more often than not, I get a blank stare, or an “I have no idea.”  I’m not asking to be nosey; I’m asking so I can pair you with the right vendor for your budget (and style, of course!)    A wedding should not put you in debt.  I work with all types of budgets, so I’m not going to turn you away if you’re “not spending enough.”  I just need to make sure what I’m suggesting is within your means.

I frequently feel that “budget” is treated as this dirty word, which no one wants to talk about.  But we NEED to talk about it.  Setting a budget and sticking to it is a healthy way to plan – going into debt by blowing your budget out of the water is stressful and potentially damaging to relationships.  

Bottom line is, you MUST have a budget conversation with your family, so you know who is taking responsibility for which aspects.  Then you can know 100% what your wedding budget will be.

There are very traditional roles of how families spend their money at a wedding.  I’ll list these roles below, but note that nothing is set in stone!  In this day and age, some brides & grooms are paying for their weddings on their own.  Sometimes the groom’s family helps out a lot more than traditions state.  It’s all individualized.  But this list is meant to help you ask the right questions, so you can budget for your wedding effectively.

Helpful Hint when dealing with “gift” money from family – build in a buffer so you don’t have to ask for more money.  10% is a great estimate to cover unforeseen expenses.  So if your family says they’ll give you $40,000 and that’s the ENTIRE AMOUNT you have for your wedding (let’s say you can’t afford another cent), you’ll want to set your wedding budget at about $36,000, so if you see something that you MUST HAVE, you can go over your budget slightly, and your buffer will cover it.

  

BRIDE and FAMILY: 

• Invitations, announcements, and wedding programs
• Church or synagogue fees
• Bride's dress, veil, accessories, and trousseau (read: lingerie and honeymoon clothes)
• Floral arrangements for church (including huppah if a Jewish wedding ceremony) and reception
• Bouquets and corsages for bridesmaids and flower girls
• All wedding photos and video
• All professional services, including food, drink, rentals, decorations, and music at the ceremony and reception
• Wedding planner/coordinator
• Wedding transportation of bridal party to and from ceremony and reception
• Accommodations for all bridesmaids
• If there is more than one engagement party, bride's family hosts the first one

GROOM and FAMILY:

• Marriage license
• Officiant's fee and travel and accommodations if necessary
• Groom's outfit
• Bride's bouquet and going-away corsage, boutonnieres for men, and corsages for mothers and grandmothers
• Plan and host the rehearsal dinner
• The entire honeymoon
• If there is only one engagement party, typically this expense is split between bride & groom’s families
• Accommodations for all groomsmen and groom’s family
• Transportation for the groom's family and groomsmen

BRIDE ONLY:

• Plan and host bridesmaids' luncheon
• Groom’s ring (sometimes with help from her family)
• Bride's gifts to her bridesmaid and groom

GROOM ONLY:

• Plan and host bachelor’s dinner
• Bride's rings (sometimes with help from his family)
• Gift for groomsmen
• Attire for groomsmen (only if he wants to)
• Gift to the bride

MAID OF HONOR & BRIDESMAIDS:

• Plan and host shower
• Their own attire (including shoes)
• Gift for the couple (multiple gifts if attending the shower and wedding)

BEST MAN, GROOMSMEN & USHERS:

• Plan and host bachelor party
• Their own attire (including shoes)
• Gift for the couple

FRIENDS:

• Additional engagement parties or showers

Photo courtesy of Cake Knife Photography:   www.cakeknifephotography.com

Why do I need a wedding day rain plan? And what should it consist of?

I can't help it.  I'm a little bit superstitious when it comes to weddings.  I love incorporating the something borrowed, something blue, something old, something new.  I also believe that getting married on the half hour is lucky.  But there is one thing I'm INCREDIBLY superstitious about when it comes to outdoor weddings.  And that is MAKING A RAIN PLAN.

Why would I need to make a rain plan, you might ask?  Well, here are two reasons:

1.  Avoid the rainy day meltdown.  Trust me!  I've seen hundreds of weddings, and all brides are a bag of emotions on their wedding day.  Set yourself up for success by planning in advance.  Just sit down a few months before the wedding and discuss your rain plan with your planner.  You want to check off the list that you know 100% what the plan is, and your planner does too.  The peace of mind from being prepared is a HUGE step in avoiding a wedding day meltdown.  

2.  Because I believe in Murphy's Law, if you don't make a contingency plan, the likelihood of rain will increase by 85% (Ok, so I made that percentage up, but I promise if you don't plan for it, it WILL rain).  Just plan ahead, and communicate your plan.

What should my rain plan consist of?

Think of it this way:  You're the bride.  You're off in your ready room, and it starts to pour rain on your guests waiting for you to walk down the aisle.  How you manage this situation if you're not the one giving direction?  Here's my rain plan list:

• If you're planning an outdoor reception, RENT A TENT.  It is just as useful for shade from the heat as it is against foul weather.  Just do it.  I know it's a big expense, but it's critical.  At times, I even consider refusing to work weddings that don't have some shade for their guests.  It may look cool spread out on the open lawn, but in the middle of summer at 6pm, it's kinda miserable in the sun.  Think about your guests!!!
• Where will the ceremony take place when it rains?  Often I make the contingency plan to just sit at the reception tables, and host the ceremony on the open dance floor, so all can see.  But this is completely up to you.
• Who will direct the traffic?  Depending on what time you make the "rain call," either myself or my assistant will direct the guests to the proper location.  If you wait too long, and are about ready to walk down the aisle when you decide to move the ceremony, my assistant will guide the guests, and I will stay with you.  You need someone with authority and a loud voice to jump in and give guidance to people who are getting rained on.  Moving wedding guests in a rain storm is like herding cats.  I've done it before.  Too many times.
• Therefore, my next tip is to set a deadline for making the weather call.  Look at the forecast.  Be smart about it.  I typically try to make a rain call for an evening ceremony by 2pm.  That gives time to move chairs and be prepared before the first guests arrive.  As I mentioned above, I've had weather calls made by the bride AS she's walking down the aisle, and it makes for a lot of confusion when guests scramble to get into the reception tent.  It's better to just make a call early and stick with it.
• Protect rental items.  You will find that some rental companies have strict guidelines on not getting certain items wet.  Your planner will know about this, and you will too (you did read your contract, right?!)  But if you didn't hire a planner, you'll want ushers/friends/family to know what items need to be taken out of the rain immediately.
• Bring a nice umbrella.  If you're going to have to get from point A to point B, and there's any chance of rain, buy a nice umbrella.  Chances are, you'll be photographed under it. . .You want something that goes with your theme/color scheme!
• LOVE your contingency plan.  OWN it.  Don't be disappointed if the weather doesn't hold up for you.  It's traditionally lucky if it rains on your wedding day anyways!  Making the decision to get married out of the rain was a smart move for you and your guests.  Just enjoy the day.  In fact, rainy day weather makes for some of the most spectacular wedding photos I've ever seen. 

Of course, everyone wants perfect weather on their wedding day!  But we don't control the weather and neither do you.  So just be prepared.  All outdoor weddings should make a rain plan.  It relieves your stress and keeps everyone dry!  Happy planning!

Rainy Day Wedding

Herding Cats.  There's me, on the right, pink blazer, carrying chairs!

This bride was so chill about the weather.  Loved working with her!

Photos Courtesy of Cake Knife Photography

So your planner can plan. But what else can they do you for you?

What do you look for when hiring a wedding coordinator.  There should be 3 main things to consider:
1. Will I be able to work with this person efficiently (do our personalities mesh)?
2.  Be selfish.  What else can this person do for me?
3.  Is their price reflective of all they are doing for me?

At Events by Autumn, we're talented artists in addition to planners (we know, the whole right brain, left brain thing).  Autumn is a professional graphic designer and a skilled painter.  But even more importantly, Autumn can build things.  What kinds of things, you might ask?  Well, let me share just some of our portfolio below!  (We made everything you see below - paper flowers, invitations, wood products, painted signs, wooden crates, chalkboard art, painted bottles, large event props, etc.)

  

This brings us to step 3 of hiring a planner - does their price reflect all they can do for you?  With our full service package, the labor for building customized decor and props is completely included.  You only need to pay for the supplies.  And frequently, our brides already have the supplies on hand - they just don't have the time to make what they want.  A TRULY customized wedding, made just for you.

Keep that in mind when shopping other vendors.  What are they able to do to make your wedding a one-of-a-kind affair, while also providing professional planning?

Why hire a full service planner? Productivity, stress relief, and more.

This past weekend, I had the privilege of taking a full service client on an array of vendor meetings, and I thought this would be a great opportunity (while it's still fresh in my mind) to talk about this part of my planning services.  It's PERFECT for destination wedding clients, and even some of my local clients prefer for me to set up their vendor meetings for maximum efficiency, and because of my relationships with the vendors!

In this instance, both the bride and groom were from out of state, and so this weekend was the only time they'd be in Montana before the week of the wedding.  So it was vital over this 4 day period to introduce them to as many options as possible, but also give them time to explore, relax, and enjoy their time in Montana.  (We want our clients to still love Montana when they come back for their wedding!)

Over a 4 day time period, we managed to meet multiple caterers, florists, cake bakers, rental companies, and a photographer, DJ, hair dresser, and makeup artist.  We even found time to do site tours of hotels for room blocks, and managed to hit a few breweries to "sample" the potential wedding beverages!  My thoughts were that face to face interactions with these vendors would make the bride and groom much more comfortable with their decisions on whom to hire.

Every hour of every day was filled with activities and meetings, but the couple was relaxed and just enjoyed the days.  It wasn't stressful, because no decisions needed to be made on the spot.  I just want to make this very clear:  PLANNERS DO NOT MAKE DECISIONS FOR YOU.  They merely offer suggestions as to who might be able to provide the best services for what you want!  At one point in time, I was referred to as a "new member of the family" and that's the kind of relationship I hope for - that my clients trust me, can communicate with me freely, and never be fearful of giving me an honest opinion.  That's how the best weddings become the best!

I gave the Bride & Groom the itinerary a week before the trip, so they were able to plan lunches with friends, and take evenings off to explore or unwind.  We started at a reasonable time in the morning, so they could sleep in, eat a big breakfast, and treat their time as a vacation (which is what it was!)  

Keep in mind, all of my vendors are on speed dial, and it allows for the meeting schedule to be flexible if necessary.  Therefore, I was able to make quick adjustments - we even planned a menu tasting with a caterer 3 hours before it happened.  I think the bride & groom would agree with me, that the meetings ran seamlessly, and the vendors I chose to introduce them to were ideal for their style and budget.  

The key to success (I believe), was that prior to the meetings, I had worked with the couple on diagrams for the event space as well as some design boards.  Once I knew what look we were trying to achieve, we had a focused, common idea in mind for all of the meetings.

Setting up vendor meetings is included with my full-service planning packages, and I encourage brides to take me up on it.  Having diagrams and idea boards are great, but bringing your planner along to give suggestions, and ask questions makes your meetings very productive.

Happy planning!

Rental company meeting was a success!  We found this cool bar.

Sight seeing at St. Mary's Mission in Stevensville!

Tasting cake is one of my favorite things!